Sadness // I'm okay

Sadness // I’m Okay

Have you ever had those nights, where suddenly everything is silent and distant? As if there's nothing around. And all that is left is you, and your dark evil thoughts. Why do people leave? Why I’m like this? I know I'm difficult. I know I'm complicated. Even I can't understand myself.

You know those nights when it's 2 am, and you're alone with this sadness of yours. Thinking of all the things that he did, the reasons he left and you realize it was you all along. It was you, the difficult and complicated girl. The one that doesn't deserves to be loved because she's bad, ugly, fat and nobody wants her. 

And all you want to do is cry your heart out, but you just can't. Since people expect you to be happy all the time. And you have all these sadness bottled up, but all you can do is write and paint and pray, till you realize the sun had risen. 

At the same time, you're afraid of people. You keep your guard, your walls, because it's better to not be attached. Since in the end, those who said "I love you" are the ones who leave, because you're ugly and complicated. And nobody wants that kind of girl. You're afraid of all kinds of relationships, sealing everything away to keep yourself from getting hurt.

And tonight, all that is left is memories, the thoughts, and the “I love you” s that was never told, because you love that person so much till it hurts. And the sadness that remains, bottled up till you can't contain it anymore till you ended up crying, sobbing on the floor, thinking of all the mistakes you've done, but it’s okay, no one will know. NOBODY CARES. And he's happy anyways. It's okay, it's only you. 

And the tears; the ultimate symbol of sadness. They just won't stop you know. Once it started flowing, it flows like a river. Flooding through all the pain and sadness you've kept inside. And the only thing you can do is cry and cry and cry till all the tears is dry. 

As the sun rises, everything will end. And it's a new day. Wipe your tears, clean your face, plaster a smile, and be on your way, because nobody cares. Nobody realizes, that the ones who laughed the most, are the saddest. 

And I hope I can forget. And I hope I can smile genuinely from my heart.  And I hope I can get better. And I hope I'll be happier. 

I’m okay.