Eyes

She looked deeply into his eyes, eager to ask something. He seemed happy. Genuinely, sincerely happy. He smiled, and there's wrinkles around his eyes. Those wrinkles that she adored. He talked passionately about his experiences, while she listened, waiting for her turn to talk. Suddenly, his phone vibrated. He stopped talking, and she asked "who's that?". He answered, his eyes fixated on his phone, "X". She was curious, always curious, as curious as a kitten, and she knew too well curiosity kills the cat more than anything.

"Do you like her?" she asked, looking deeply into his eyes, trying to figure out the answer to her question. He paused, and he looked up to her. There's a brief moment of silence, before he opened his mouth and said "No, she's just a friend" and smiled. But that smile didn't cause any wrinkles around his eyes. It was a fake smile, and she knew it instantly. She saw how his eyes faded as he lied, and at that moment, she knew his real feelings.

Slowly, she raised her hands and touch the corner of his eyes. "These eyes that lie, I know it too well". He looked surprised, but remained silent. She put her hands back on her lap, and decided to close her eyes and drifted to the land of dreams. Dreams are always much more fun and happier than the reality, they said. And even if they're separated, in her dreams, let them be together. Even if it was just a dream. It's okay. For her, it was more than enough.

He lied but it's okay. I know.
And as long as he's happy, I'm okay.

Sadness // I'm okay

Sadness // I’m Okay

Have you ever had those nights, where suddenly everything is silent and distant? As if there's nothing around. And all that is left is you, and your dark evil thoughts. Why do people leave? Why I’m like this? I know I'm difficult. I know I'm complicated. Even I can't understand myself.

You know those nights when it's 2 am, and you're alone with this sadness of yours. Thinking of all the things that he did, the reasons he left and you realize it was you all along. It was you, the difficult and complicated girl. The one that doesn't deserves to be loved because she's bad, ugly, fat and nobody wants her. 

And all you want to do is cry your heart out, but you just can't. Since people expect you to be happy all the time. And you have all these sadness bottled up, but all you can do is write and paint and pray, till you realize the sun had risen. 

At the same time, you're afraid of people. You keep your guard, your walls, because it's better to not be attached. Since in the end, those who said "I love you" are the ones who leave, because you're ugly and complicated. And nobody wants that kind of girl. You're afraid of all kinds of relationships, sealing everything away to keep yourself from getting hurt.

And tonight, all that is left is memories, the thoughts, and the “I love you” s that was never told, because you love that person so much till it hurts. And the sadness that remains, bottled up till you can't contain it anymore till you ended up crying, sobbing on the floor, thinking of all the mistakes you've done, but it’s okay, no one will know. NOBODY CARES. And he's happy anyways. It's okay, it's only you. 

And the tears; the ultimate symbol of sadness. They just won't stop you know. Once it started flowing, it flows like a river. Flooding through all the pain and sadness you've kept inside. And the only thing you can do is cry and cry and cry till all the tears is dry. 

As the sun rises, everything will end. And it's a new day. Wipe your tears, clean your face, plaster a smile, and be on your way, because nobody cares. Nobody realizes, that the ones who laughed the most, are the saddest. 

And I hope I can forget. And I hope I can smile genuinely from my heart.  And I hope I can get better. And I hope I'll be happier. 

I’m okay.